When my husband was my boyfriend, he made it very clear that he was going to take care of me. I wasn’t working. He was working in the mines and was able to afford a certain lifestyle. I had completed school afresh and was doing my service in the mines. That was where we met.
After my service, I wasn’t made permanent staff so I had to come home and start looking for a job. During those hard times, Ebo was there for me, giving me some amount every month and buying gifts as and when he could.
I didn’t sit on my back. I wrote a lot of letters applying for jobs. I sent my CVs around looking for jobs that did not exist—jobs that I was even overqualified for. No one will give me a job. I stayed home for over a year and a half without a job but Ebo kept providing and ensured I didn’t need anything.
Sometimes, he even sent money to my parents when I wasn’t aware. One night while spending the weekend at his end, he said, “Let’s get married.” I said, “Yeah, after I’d found a job. I should get my life in shape before.” He responded, “There are more days after marriage. You still can look for a job and land a job. Forget about job now and let’s settle down.”
People say marriage comes with certain blessings because people who tie the knot in the presence of God find favors with God. Just one month after marriage, I found a job that paid me well enough to put my life in balance.
You would expect that my husband would leave some of the financial burdens on me to cater for them but no. He did everything. When I said everything, I mean even toilet rolls, he didn’t allow me to buy them with my money. He said, “You started making money not too long ago. Save. Invest. Someday, it would come in handy.
What’s an investment if I can’t invest in my own marriage? But this guy didn’t allow it. Yeah sometimes I succeeded in buying foodstuffs and other groceries for the house but I wanted to do more, I wanted to feel part and parcel of the running of the home. I felt like my opinions would matter more if I assisted financially but he didn’t allow it.
We had our first child a year later and when our first child was only nine months old, I got pregnant again and gave birth. The third child came a year after the second.Responsibilities shot up. We needed more financial power. It was during that time my husband left the mines and got a new job that wasn’t paying any better. He had to leave the mines because the company he was working for lost their contract with the mines.
He didn’t have money like he used to but he still wanted to carry all the financial burdens. Is it ego? Is it stupidity? Is it wrong upbringing? It might be a superhero syndrome. I can’t tell. You look at him and you see all is not well. He was stressed holding on to all the responsibilities, so I devised a way of helping out without letting him know.
I started by finding money in his pocket. Every time I washed his clothes, I called to tell him I’d found money in his pocket. You could see happiness lit up on his face instantly. He would ask, “Really, how much?” Before I could say how much, he would come and snatch the money from me and start counting it himself. He needed support but stupid pride won’t allow him to ask that from his wife.
He’ll learn to accept my help because I’ve been raised to give help willingly, without any strings attached or without trying to usurp the authority of my man.